So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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