I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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