Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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