I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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