He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I supernannyed him into submission
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