She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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