Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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