I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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