its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
my sisters under your porch take her home
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
