His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
