im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
