They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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