Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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