I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
