And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
