I heard we made out
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
