Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
