dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
