all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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