Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
