how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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