He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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