Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
