After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
