I am puke
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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