Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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