Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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