Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
