the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
