her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You pole danced in your parka.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
