Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
