I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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