I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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