I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
So much Jack, so little girl.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
The Olympian is in my bed
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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