The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
