YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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