I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
