and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
