Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
