i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
