I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
