his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
