In America we eat man semen.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Randomize
