you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
this boner is exhausting
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
