So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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