Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
