xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
