time to smoke my breakfast
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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