He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
