i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize