God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
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After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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