this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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