I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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