so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
