He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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