I think my fart just growled at me.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
