2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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