I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
