I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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