I must be too annoying 4 u.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
