hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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