i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize