Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
