im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
