I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
