I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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