just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
