he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
